By any chance have you read The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity? Your response brought up some interesting connections to this article for me; especially if we say that "assertive" means "helps me" and "mean" means "hurts others". It turns my questions into a sub-problem of the other one, perhaps.
If we argue that the overall problem is the definition of "hurt" to include "false-hurt", I think we're in a tough spot deciding what's a real hurt.
Is it a real hurt to make them lose face? Just between you and them? In a larger group? Is an ego-bruise a real hurt? I don't know.
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Date: Sunday, 21 May 2006 03:46 am (UTC)If we argue that the overall problem is the definition of "hurt" to include "false-hurt", I think we're in a tough spot deciding what's a real hurt.
Is it a real hurt to make them lose face? Just between you and them? In a larger group? Is an ego-bruise a real hurt? I don't know.