On Frustration and Gratitude
Sunday, 19 June 2005 04:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
daA conversation with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
grey_and_purple in lovecraftienne's journal here has ranged from race and its construction, to wisdom and its origins. I have enjoyed the conversation immensely, and have taken from it grey_and_purple's new phrase "plastic paradigms", or having the flexibility to reshape one's own base rules. And how that isn't a quality that's particularly valued in our commercial mass-culture.
I was thinking this morning about Fathers Day and its meaning to me, which is not at all related to going out and buying junk for him. (In fact, he generally prefers not receiving gifts, but that's something else).
When I was 5, my parents both quit their teaching jobs in New York City and became Maple Syrup farmers in Upstate NY. They made a lot of choices based on the way they want to live their lives; and it isn't until I reached adulthood that I realized that one of the most important things they (especially my father) taught me was introspection. Thinking about the rules, following them if they make sense, and maybe doing something about it if they do not. I certainly didn't read much or any Socrates in high school, but I'm sure my parents found dozens of ways to drill home that the unexamined life isn't worth living.
But the other part of that is turning around and doing something with your introspection. It frustrates the hell out of me that my dad doesn't do more than involve himself with local farming groups, or occasionally write letters to the paper, and more recently, becoming involved with the local Unitarians.
It frustrates me more, that the larger culture puts no value whatsoever on wisdom or asking the tough questions; and that iconoclasm has been co-opted as a brand in itself. But my parents also frustrate me- after finding their ideals, they ducked out of being involved in all of the movements they were so involved with before I was born. They questioned, they found their own answers, and (mostly) that was that. I think a large part of their choices were around raising a family, and how they wanted to accomplish that.
I have to respect how they managed it, although I certainly would not have asked them for it if I'd had a say in the matter. (In fact, I don't think that ever, even once, did they tell me "you owe me," and for that and the bigger picture, I can be very grateful.) But I am reasonably assured that they did it according to their own rules.
To me, this has something to do withmelted_snowball's recent post on upper-middle-class unhappiness (despite making much more money and living in nicer houses and owning nicer stuff). To the extent that such people have determined their own goals and principles, I expect that most of them would conceptualize it as sacrificing themselves in order to make their childrens' lives better than their own. That explains a lot of the choices, at least as a self-rationalization. In practice, I think they could use more introspection, such as "how much money do I end up spending on myself to soothe the pain of spending so much energy on making the money in the first place?"
And there aren't any big conversations about how to structure your life in other ways, because it's worth more money in the economy to do it this way.
That makes me sad.
grey_and_purple in lovecraftienne's journal here has ranged from race and its construction, to wisdom and its origins. I have enjoyed the conversation immensely, and have taken from it grey_and_purple's new phrase "plastic paradigms", or having the flexibility to reshape one's own base rules. And how that isn't a quality that's particularly valued in our commercial mass-culture.I was thinking this morning about Fathers Day and its meaning to me, which is not at all related to going out and buying junk for him. (In fact, he generally prefers not receiving gifts, but that's something else).
When I was 5, my parents both quit their teaching jobs in New York City and became Maple Syrup farmers in Upstate NY. They made a lot of choices based on the way they want to live their lives; and it isn't until I reached adulthood that I realized that one of the most important things they (especially my father) taught me was introspection. Thinking about the rules, following them if they make sense, and maybe doing something about it if they do not. I certainly didn't read much or any Socrates in high school, but I'm sure my parents found dozens of ways to drill home that the unexamined life isn't worth living.
But the other part of that is turning around and doing something with your introspection. It frustrates the hell out of me that my dad doesn't do more than involve himself with local farming groups, or occasionally write letters to the paper, and more recently, becoming involved with the local Unitarians.
It frustrates me more, that the larger culture puts no value whatsoever on wisdom or asking the tough questions; and that iconoclasm has been co-opted as a brand in itself. But my parents also frustrate me- after finding their ideals, they ducked out of being involved in all of the movements they were so involved with before I was born. They questioned, they found their own answers, and (mostly) that was that. I think a large part of their choices were around raising a family, and how they wanted to accomplish that.
I have to respect how they managed it, although I certainly would not have asked them for it if I'd had a say in the matter. (In fact, I don't think that ever, even once, did they tell me "you owe me," and for that and the bigger picture, I can be very grateful.) But I am reasonably assured that they did it according to their own rules.
To me, this has something to do with
melted_snowball's recent post on upper-middle-class unhappiness (despite making much more money and living in nicer houses and owning nicer stuff). To the extent that such people have determined their own goals and principles, I expect that most of them would conceptualize it as sacrificing themselves in order to make their childrens' lives better than their own. That explains a lot of the choices, at least as a self-rationalization. In practice, I think they could use more introspection, such as "how much money do I end up spending on myself to soothe the pain of spending so much energy on making the money in the first place?"And there aren't any big conversations about how to structure your life in other ways, because it's worth more money in the economy to do it this way.
That makes me sad.
