On Frustration and Gratitude

[da]

A conversation with grey_and_purple in lovecraftienne's journal here has ranged from race and its construction, to wisdom and its origins. I have enjoyed the conversation immensely, and have taken from it grey_and_purple's new phrase "plastic paradigms", or having the flexibility to reshape one's own base rules. And how that isn't a quality that's particularly valued in our commercial mass-culture.


I was thinking this morning about Fathers Day and its meaning to me, which is not at all related to going out and buying junk for him. (In fact, he generally prefers not receiving gifts, but that's something else).

When I was 5, my parents both quit their teaching jobs in New York City and became Maple Syrup farmers in Upstate NY. They made a lot of choices based on the way they want to live their lives; and it isn't until I reached adulthood that I realized that one of the most important things they (especially my father) taught me was introspection. Thinking about the rules, following them if they make sense, and maybe doing something about it if they do not. I certainly didn't read much or any Socrates in high school, but I'm sure my parents found dozens of ways to drill home that the unexamined life isn't worth living.

But the other part of that is turning around and doing something with your introspection. It frustrates the hell out of me that my dad doesn't do more than involve himself with local farming groups, or occasionally write letters to the paper, and more recently, becoming involved with the local Unitarians.

It frustrates me more, that the larger culture puts no value whatsoever on wisdom or asking the tough questions; and that iconoclasm has been co-opted as a brand in itself. But my parents also frustrate me- after finding their ideals, they ducked out of being involved in all of the movements they were so involved with before I was born. They questioned, they found their own answers, and (mostly) that was that. I think a large part of their choices were around raising a family, and how they wanted to accomplish that.

I have to respect how they managed it, although I certainly would not have asked them for it if I'd had a say in the matter. (In fact, I don't think that ever, even once, did they tell me "you owe me," and for that and the bigger picture, I can be very grateful.) But I am reasonably assured that they did it according to their own rules.

To me, this has something to do with melted_snowball's recent post on upper-middle-class unhappiness (despite making much more money and living in nicer houses and owning nicer stuff). To the extent that such people have determined their own goals and principles, I expect that most of them would conceptualize it as sacrificing themselves in order to make their childrens' lives better than their own. That explains a lot of the choices, at least as a self-rationalization. In practice, I think they could use more introspection, such as "how much money do I end up spending on myself to soothe the pain of spending so much energy on making the money in the first place?"

And there aren't any big conversations about how to structure your life in other ways, because it's worth more money in the economy to do it this way.

That makes me sad.

Comments

[dpolicar]

Thanks for the pointer to the thread... it's a lovely one.
Some random thoughts...

Just to close the loop: I was reminded m_s's recent post about mental illness when reading a bit recently about defining sanity in terms of flexibility, satiability, and the capacity for extrapolation... which, in turn, your thread on plastic paradigms reminded me of.

I try not to underestimate the power of setting a good example. Your parents may not be activists, but it doesn't follow that they aren't "doing" anything towards affecting the larger world. Of course, I don't know your parents.

Absolutely agreed about both the value and the scarcity of cognitive flexibility -- the ability to construct multiple interpretations of an observation, multiple evaluations of a proposition, etc. I think it's also closely related to the ability to say "I might be wrong" -- that is, to have useful passion without requiring closed-minded certainty. Of course, it's not an all-or-nothing trait... a lot of people are flexibly minded in some contexts; few (if any) are equally flexibly minded in all contexts.

I'm not sure what would happen if a significant fraction of the population -- say, upward of a third -- were significantly flexibly minded about their lives. I suspect it would radically restructure a lot of our infrastructure, and not necessarily in good ways. Predictability is sometimes a virtue in large communities/organizations; when you make a lot of exceptions, a lot of energy gets sunk into managing the interfaces.
I want to believe that the net increase in technical innovation, in creative aesthetics (both supply and demand), in the ability of groups to notice and address what's actually going on around them, etc. would make up for the increased chaos and demands on the system's attention. I really, really do. But I'm not at all convinced... and even if it would, I'm not sure the transition would be anything but catastrophic.
If I had the magic wand that would make everybody significantly flexibly-minded, I'm not sure I'd use it.

[da-lj.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the pointer to the thread... it's a lovely one.

You're welcome and thank you. :)

Yes, I could imagine where if the world basically stays the same, but suddenly everybody wakes up and says, "Hey! What Am I Doing?" it would pretty much be a disaster.
I'm certainly not proposing that, even as a thought experiment.

(...I mean, who would power the robotic masters then? Heh.)

Have you seen Richard Florida's "The Rise of The Creative Class"? The argument isn't identical but I believe it's at least a parallel. Among other things, he describes why cities have it in their best interest to encourage (inward-) migration for people for whom creativity is a virtue,

My guess (purely a guess) is that a small fraction, under 10%, of iconoclasts in a population might encourage lots of good things, and the overall amount of work required in (re-)negotiating societal rules, would be worth the effort.
Though at present I'm not prepared to lay out exactly what that means... Maybe ultimately I'm just arguing for validation for Queer folk. Well, not validation in the sense of by the larger society, but from within. Dunno. I'll think about that.

[melted-snowball.livejournal.com]

If I had the magic wand that would make everybody significantly flexibly-minded, I'm not sure I'd use it.

I think I might, but it's already probably the case that a higher fraction of Westerners have that ability than any people in history. It's not clear to me that there's a tipping point, but maybe there is.

[da-lj.livejournal.com]

it's already probably the case that a higher fraction of Westerners have that ability than any people in history

If grey_and_purple is right and this mental flexibility is present in (most/all) children, I wonder if there might be a counter-example of cultures that didn't educate it out of their children en masse. I'm thinking of less-partriarchal cultures, but maybe there's someone with more anthropology training than me who has a better idea.

In any case, that wouldn't suggest anywhere near the sheer numbers of modern Western society. And yes, I expect there is more opportunity for being flexibly-minded now than ever before, what with leisure and education being what they are. However, that isn't economically motivated to lead to wisdom / flexibility, rather to conspicuous consumption.

(note to self; read The Theory of the Leisure Class; if for no other reason, it's where the term "conspicuous consumption" was coined.)

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

One of the things I adore best about LJ is the way my friends interact with one another. The synergy achieved can sometimes be amazingly cool.

I'm going to read this more closely when I get back from having my brain massaged. :D

[da-lj.livejournal.com]

One of the things I adore best about LJ is the way my friends interact with one another. The synergy achieved can sometimes be amazingly cool.

Me too. Thank you for being the friend for whom we can get to know each other through. :)

I'm going to read this more closely when I get back from having my brain massaged. :D

Cool. ;)

Have a good brainpan massage! (or, alternatively, hope you had...)